Deer Camp Blog

Deer Camp Blog- the outdoor column of The Bodock Times- (a satirical periodical) Humor and Hunting at the famous Christmas Place Plantation Hunting Club on the edge of the Mississippi Delta

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Monday, August 18, 2014

Deerses On Ice

After 20 years of griping and complaining to Dad, I managed to locate a walk- in cooler that we bought and took to the famous Christmas Place. This past weekend Paul Jones and his brother put it together, Joe Newman came down and hooked up the wiring, Trent supervised and I got there just in time to take a picture. It all worked out great (for me) Here is a pic of Trent and Paul Jones admiring their handiwork.

Monday, August 04, 2014

Watermelon Carnival 2014

the weather was perfect, the people were everywhere and I think that the entire town had a good time.
Here is a pic of part of the group we had at my office Friday night. Any resemblance to humans is entirely coincidental and unbelievable.
The twins Paul the terrible and Keith Hart, back row Steve Hill, Joe Black, Sam Goodwin, the young boy is Sam's grandson I think.
I would show a pic of Trent but I think it would be unwise. Lots of music from a really good band Friday night, perfect weather when I gave out my Watermelon Chap Stick to all the ladies Saturday morning. (I have a few left if you come by). Later Sat afternoon we headed to the golf course, of course.

Saturday morning, this 3rd place melon was 125 pounds, and we did keep James from stealing it,
and making a beehive out of it.

Tuesday, July 29, 2014

Mark and Denise Get A Hog

This past weekend we all went to camp to cut grass and get a handle on what needs to be done (EVERYTHING). Me, Trent, Denise, Mark and of course Camo and Jackson.
It does not matter that Trent Shot the hog, hell he isn't even in the picture. This is Denise and Marks Hog.

Monday, July 07, 2014

The Howell Open 2014

This July 4th weekend the Howell Open continued as usual even though Dad was not there. We had 16 players that divided into 4 foursomes in a wild scramble. The teams were divided into A,B,C, and D players but somehow I got 2 F's and a D. Trent, Jim Bullion and Paul "Richochet" Howell and we had to play the team of Bebo "Scat Money" Howell and his sandbaggers. Next was Patsy "Long Drive" Edwards and her team of professionals, and Larry "Ice Cream Man" Trent and a whole host of low handicappers from Water Valley. In the early going it looked impossible for our team. I finally made a birdie on 9, then Trent rolled one in on the next hole, then an eagle from my great effort with Jim making a wicked putt and we were on fire. Needless to say we beat the crap out of those other whiny chumps and took the trophy and the $10,000 first place check.
Here is a photo of all our friends and family that participated . Thank you Everyone!

Thursday, June 19, 2014

Season Limits?

What are the season limits on these damn things?

Monday, June 09, 2014

The Speckled Coral Rattler

This past weekend at the Christmas Place was a complete disaster except for the heroism exhibited by our fine and loyal camp mascot, Camo.
When the horrible Coral Rattler attacked, my brave dog sprang into action defending the women and children, weaving and bobbing like a mongoose as it closed on the deadly serpent, until Camo darted in like a lightning bolt and grabbed the 8 foot long snake in her jaws, shook it and flung the creature away. Of course everyone cheered and gave her treats for the rest of the day as they should have.
Of course some jealous and disgruntled hunter complained that the snake slid across her foot before she saw it, and they had never heard of a Coral Rattler. Blasphemy!
My hero dog only growled and walked away.

Wednesday, May 21, 2014

The Beatnik Graduates

Congratulations Austin Howell

Tuesday, May 20, 2014

Hog Patrol Still Working

The hog patrol consisting of Trent Howell and uhhhhh.... Trent Howell is still diligently patrolling the famous Christmas Place to defend us against a major hog attack.

Friday, May 16, 2014

Off To Golf Camp

Am taking Dad's truck and golf clubs to the famous Christmas Place Golf Club this weekend. Wish I could take his swing and ability too. The object is to play golf all day and drink beer and eat crawfish at Ribeye's Saturday night.  Should be fun.

Monday, May 12, 2014

Moving On Up

With Dad gone, I have managed to start the move out of the slums of the Bunkroom up into the high-cotton district at the famous Christmas Place. Yes, I have managed to take over his room and Denise and I went down this weekend to clean it put and start moving stuff in. Camo will have her own bed! No more nasty Grunge Pit for me! Yes, Yes, I'm moving on up, to the East side........

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Wednesday, May 07, 2014

Getting Back

The Kingdom is in turmoil but I am hoping to getting back to a semblance of blogging soon.

Monday, April 21, 2014

An Easter Without

This past weekend we headed for camp and the Easter Weekend. The weather was perfect and the woods were beautiful. Paul and Michael turkey hunted with no luck, but they did hear plenty. Spencer, Austin and I started working around the camp and Trent showed up also.
Denise, Wanda and Hillary helped with everything from cooking, to cleaning, to making sure we did not get too down.
Everyone pitched in to make the camp look as nice as possible, felt like we needed to do that for Dad.
Paul Jones came by and we had a great visit, then the boys headed for the golf course to battle it out.
That night we cooked steaks on the grill and had a really good meal and sat around the fire telling old stories and sharing a drink.
Sunday, no turkeys again, but the hogs are back in full force.  Church was at Eden at 10. We worked that morning on the yard, then had a big lunch and headed back to the Valley.
It felt good to be there and maybe Dad is hanging out there too.

Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Hershel Howell Leaves For Camp

Monday my Dad left this world or maybe left Water Valley to permanently stay at the Christmas Place, which was his idea of heaven. He was 87, and to us still young and vibrant. Everyone here is devastated but know that he went out with his boots on, as they say. The pain is great right now but I will find some humor and tell more stories as time goes by. I will always miss him and carry him in my heart. Hershel Howell was a man, a man that lived life to the fullest and just like he wanted, a true force of Nature.

Tuesday, April 01, 2014

Fish, Feathers, or Treasure?

According to our resident turkey hunting professional (ie Dad), there is not a damn turkey on the whole Christmas Place. They are gone. So basically, Dad sits in the woods catching a few zzzz's in the morning then gets ready to go fishing with Paul Jones. Sounds absolutely terrible, right?
The crappie are about to start biting and the whole property is coming alive with the beautiful weather. Since the turkeys won't cooperate, the hogs have left and gone into the darkest part of the bottoms, and the fish are not quite ready, I guess it is time to bring out the Metal Detector and once again search for the lost Christmas Place Treasure.

Thursday, March 20, 2014

The Turkey Sidestep

"Dad, where are you going to hunt this weekend?"
"I heard a rumor that you heard a big gobbler down by the pond stand"
"Dad, Dad?. Where the hell did he go?"

Monday, March 17, 2014

Satan Wins Major Award

Please try not to faint.Yes it is true that our old friend and hunting companion, Satan himself, has won a major award. Yes, a Major Award! Paul Howell, that pure-hearted, good-natured, loving, caring, friend to all people, and known philanthropist has been named Boss Of The Year by the Gulf Coast Association of Legal Support Professionals. (I don't know either but I think everyone else was on Spring Break.)
YES.. it is a major award. No.. I do not know what they were drinking, but everyone knows that Satan is busy, busy, busy all the time, and it is great when his peers recognize such a selfless work ethic.


Congratulations to our well known hunting pal and humanitarian, Satan.  Keep up the good work!

Friday, March 14, 2014

The Clock Gobbles

Today, all the turkey hunters will be heading to the famous Christmas Place for the opening of turkey season. Dad has already been there two days so I am sure he knows where every turkey on the place is roosting. I am sure there will be some interesting reports coming in on who got what and how somebody got outwitted by Mr. Longbeard.
Stay tuned.

Monday, March 10, 2014

The Miracle of Turkeys

Turkey season is about to start at the famous Christmas Place Liars Club and Dad can't wait to get going. He shuffled around all winter complaining that he couldn't walk or get into deer stands or walk out and even get a damn armload of firewood, but come turkey season... well he is running through the woods building blinds and traveling every ridge trying to listen for turkeys and is like a kid at a candy store. He is ready!

Friday, March 07, 2014

That's What I'm Talking About!


Tuesday, March 04, 2014

Hogs On Strike!

We had a great time at the Hog camp 2014 but the hogs did not cooperate. Joe, one of the frozen boys from Minnesota, managed to get two to keep us from being blanked but the rumor was that the hogs were on strike because the most famous of all hog hunters did not show.
The weather (for once) was absolutely great and we had several wonderful nights around the fire talking and sharing stories about deer, hogs, girls, and all the stuff men talk about. It was relaxed and easy this year with no drama and I think it may have been the best hog camp we have had. One guy (Roundtree) drove all the way from Germany to get there. Yes, it was a hell of a trip.
Here is a picture with Joe watching my cousin Davin practicing his pig-latin so he can talk to his dates.

Monday, March 03, 2014

Hog Camp 2014

No Texans were injured in the taking of this picture.

Friday, February 28, 2014

Hog Apocalypse Starts Today

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Thursday, February 27, 2014

Minnesota Hog Bulletin

This is for the Minnesota hog hunters coming to the famous Christmas Place this weekend for our Annual Hog Camp. This is a simple list of what to do while you are here and what we are hunting.
 
 
 
 

 NO

No
 
Hell NO!!!!!!
 
 
 

Yes this is what a hog looks like. Please forward this to any Lammeys you come across also.


Wednesday, February 26, 2014

Studying Tracks

As our intrepid hunters enter the woods this year at the 2014 Hog Camp, I want to remind them that there are three very important tracks to look for in the woods and they need to know to differentiate them. the first is deer tracks

The second is what we want. Hog Tracks!







The third is Paul tracks. If you see these run for your life.

Tuesday, February 25, 2014

The Hogopotamus

It is Hog Week here at the famous Christmas Place and once again our tried and true scientific hunters are getting ready to search for the elusive man-eating Hogopotamus. This strange and rare beast is the deadliest predator on the Christmas Place and has been known to sink a boat full of fishermen with no survivors, shake off even the direct shots of Paul the Terrible, flatten ATV's and kill deer and humans with impunity. This beast must be dealt with. At an estimated 3000 lbs. by those lucky enough to survive an encounter and able to run like a deer and dive into water and disappear it is a fearsome creature that we have striven to kill every year. Lucky we have the hog man, Phillip of Texas, the most feared hog hunter in the world heading towards us as fast as he can. If he lives, I am sure it will be a great story. Here is a pic that the deceased photographer from National Geographic took just before his demise.

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Friday, February 21, 2014

Art Bucko

You know, I have discovered that most of my hunting buddies have no understanding of art.  My evil brothers, Satan (Paul) and Beezlebub (Trent), could live in a room for 20 years and never hang a picture on the wall. Marks idea of art is a velvet painting of Hulk Hogan.
So a little Art Deco or in our case a little Art Bucko as this old sign was finally put on the wall in my office. It had languished in a closet for the last 15 years after we bought the famous Christmas Place, and was given to us by friends down there who got it when the State took it down 20 years ago.
Of course it points straight into Dad's office.

Tuesday, February 18, 2014

Valentine O'Mine

We had our annual Valentines Day dinner with Mark and Kim Stewart. Denise looked great as we cozied up to the bar to wait on our friends. Marks's son, Drew and his fiancée Amy joined us along with her parents. We drank, ate, talked, tried to embarrass Drew and had a very nice time. Hey, did you know that Sake goes straight to your head? It was nice to finally have a nice relaxed meal with friends. Did I mention that Denise looked great? She is my Valentine.

Monday, February 17, 2014

Happy Blogiversary!

I started this blog in February 2006 during another hard cold winter and have managed to keep it going for 8 years. A very long time in which I have recounted all of the absolutely TRUE stories that involve our family and friends at the famous Christmas Place. Ihope that you have enjoyed them and look forward to the weird and continuing sage of our dysfunctional hunting clan.

Thursday, February 13, 2014

The Hog Assassin

In the deepest part of Texas the Hog Assassin moves through the brush tracking his quarry. Do not fear he always gets his prey. There's not a hog out there that can outsmart Phillip Loughlin the world acclaimed Hog Assassin. He's killed more hogs than Carter has liver pills. He's killed more hogs than my brother Satan (the one from the coast) has killed trophy bucks. He's killed more hogs than you can count on both hands and your feet, and he is coming to Mississippi for the Hog Aporkalypse on February 28th. Be ready because he is coming with fire in his eyes and his trusty rifle of death.
Now if I can just tie one to a stump for him to shoot we will all be happy!

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Monday, February 10, 2014

The Aporkalypse

When the Aporkalypse hit, the members of the famous Christmas Place Plantation and Survivalist Club were trapped at our camp in the Mississippi Delta. All we had Whiskey, Cigars, Rifles and Bullets and the lonely working girls of Vaiden to help us survive. IT WAS GREAT!!!!!
We are still working on the hogs and plan to have our big hog hunt starting the weekend of February 28th. Be there for The Walking Hog Dead and Aporkalypse 2014.

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